Anonymity

Tradition Eleven — Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

In the book Dr. Bob And The Good Oldtimers (page 264) he (Dr. Bob) said "Since our tradition on anonymity designates the exact level where the line should be held, it must be obvious to everyone who can read and understand the English language that to maintain anonymity at any other level is definitely a violation of this tradition."

Isn't that interesting? We should be anonymous only at the level of press, radio and films. It doesn't say anything at all about hiding your indentity from other AA members. So why do so many people in AA think they commit the unpardonable sin if they give their last name? Perhaps it is simply fear. They are afraid you might actually call them and ask for help. I don't use my last name when I share during a meeting, because it isn't necessary, but I don't hesitate to give my last name to those I give my phone number to.

If we want the hand of AA to always be there for the suffering alcoholic we must be willing to let others know who we are.  Let's not violate this tradition in either direction.  Let's not tell the world we are in AA, but let's not keep it a secret either. 

Surrender To Love

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Life is full of decisions. Sometimes it isn't easy to decide what the best course of action is. Sometimes it's all we can do to face up to the fact that we need to make a decision. If it happens to be a very important decision where the outcome could change our life or dramatically affect the life of another it can be much more frightening. What do we do in times like these?  If only there was a simple guideline we could go by to help us to make the right decision.  Oh wait; there actually is one.

As an alcoholic, who also happens to come from a dysfunctional family, I know what it is like to live in fear and to make decisions based on that fear. Even though fear is a great motivator it does not guarantee a right decision. In fact it can lead us to make a wrong decision. Love, on the other hand, will always lead us in the right direction. If we respond out of love to ourselves and others we can rest assured that the outcome will be rewarding.

I choose to surrender to the love in me - not to the fear.

Pass It On

Looking back over a quarter of a century ago at a time when my old friend, Jack B., was helping me through some of the rough spots on the road to recovery I remember his words to me after I expressed my gratitude. He said three simple words. "Pass it on."

Jack taught me that I never have to drink again unless I want to. He taught me that people really can, and do, recover from alcoholism. He also taught me some things about me. Even though he and I had a falling out a few years down the road (and we never really dealt with that) I like to honor his memory now by doing what he suggested. I like to pass it on.

I recently learned that a friend, who also happens to be my sponsee, is now a sponsor for the first time. My only hope and wish is for him to do the same. Pass it on, brother, just pass it on.

Anger vs. Peace Of Mind

Ralph Waldo Emerson said "For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind." Something worth thinking about, isn't it?

God Yes - Religion No

At a local meeting that I attend we sometimes talk about our past religious experiences and beliefs. There seems to be no shortage of people recovering from their Southern Baptist upbringing. I remember the crazy teachings that I was bombarded with growing up in that enviromment. God first, others next, and self last, is one of them. If that doesn't teach one to be co-dependent nothing will.

That kind of thinking taught me to feel guilty anytime I did something, or even wanted something, just for me. It led to a life of deep shame and inadequacy because I cared about me and wanted things for myself. I felt like I was a bad person for having human wants and needs.

In AA we talk about a different understanding of God. Even though some still cling to religious teachings and practices most people simply come to believe in a concept of a loving God who has no need or desire to condemn or judge us. This concept is more healthy and more practical. Let's keep it simple and not mess it up with theology and superstition. God cares for us and loves us. That's as complicated as it needs to be.

Talking To Members Of The Opposite Sex

I've been reading a discussion on an online AA forum about whether or not women and men should talk to one another before and after meetings. The man who started the discussion only has a few days sobriety so he's entitled to be confused about AA protocol - and pretty much anything else actually. It's the chastising he received from another man in his local AA group that has me puzzled. This newcomer likes to talk with people after meetings (and we do encourage the newcomers to do that, by the way) and some of the people he talks to just happen to be women. After one meeting he was approached by one of the men in attendance and told not to talk to the women. How very, very strange!

I do agree that we need to watch our motives when we deal with the opposite sex - especially in AA where people are trying to get their lives in order. However, I don't think totally staying away from them is the answer. I recall my early days in recovery. I felt really comfortable talking with a particular lady and she was totally comfortable talking to me. I knew she had a boyfriend and I never once moved on her; I just needed to talk with someone and she was available. I really needed that. Thank God for people like her who didn't care what the AA judges thought about it - she just wanted to help.

When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there and for that I am Responsible.

Relapse

Some people in our fellowship get really upset and disturbed when a friend goes back out to drink some more. I totally understand this. I've had friends go back out and I've always hated to see it. Some come back and some do not. When they come back we just welcome them back and tell them we missed them. Hopefully they will stick around long enough to learn that they have a choice, and hopefully they will choose sobriety, but we each must decide for ourselves to stay sober - no matter what someone else says or does. Recovery is a choice.

One Day At A Time

Living one day at a time is very wise.

Yesterday is gone forever. It went away and left us with its
mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and
pains. Yesterday has passed beyond our control. All
the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. We
cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a
single word we said. Yesterday is gone forever.

Another day we should not worry about is tomorrow. No
matter how much we worry about it or plan for it we cannot
actually live it until it gets here. And if we are fearful of what
may happen tomorrow we relinquish our ability to enjoy today.
Most of the things we worry about don't materialize anyway, so
why worry?

Living for today is best. We can handle one day much better.
Today I can choose to look for the good. Today I can choose
to love and forgive, smile and laugh.  Today I can choose to
enjoy myself.

Sure, there will be challenges along the way, and probably
somebody will say something, or do something, I don't like
but that is okay.  That's life.  Today I choose to go out of my
way to relax and enjoy.  

The Good And Bad Of Meetings

At this morning's meeting someone mentioned that there are people in AA who like to run things and push their agenda on everyone else. Of course a name or two popped into my head immediately but I did not mention them. I just reminded everyone that the ego maniacs and power seekers have always been a part of our fellowship and always will be.

Several people mentioned that they do not go to certain meetings because of these people. Fortunately in my area there are many meetings to go to and we can pick and choose. That is one thing good I can say about AA in our area. Even though we don't have the quality I wish we had, at least we do have variety. For that I'm grateful.

When I go to meetings I'm not going just for myself. I'm going looking for someone who is willing to learn. I'm always willing to share my experience, strength and hope with someone who really wants to hear it. That is the true spirit of AA - reaching out a helping hand to the few who really are wanting a life free of alcohol, not just a meeting to go to.

Hope

At this morning's meditation meeting we talked about several things - one of them being hope. I mentioned that when I first came to AA I had no hope, and that it came later. Others in attendance understood what I was talking about and agreed that they were the same way when they came into the fellowship.

Hope is a necessary component in recovery. That is the essence of step two. After we have admitted that we are helpless and hopeless in step one we must somehow move into hope before we can make any progress. Hope is not easy in the beginning, but when it comes it gives us a foundation to build on.

Bill Wilson & The 12 Steps

There are those in AA who like to spread untruths about our program of recovery and about AA history.  One of the stories going around is that Bill Wilson took many years to work the 12 steps.  Is it true? Did Bill Wilson work the 12 steps at the beginning of his recovery or many years later?  You can find the answer here.

Our Demands On Life

Bill Wilson had a few things to say about our tendency to make demands on life.  Basically his point was that if we continue to make demands it will prevent us from experiencing peace of mind.  

... primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone.

TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 76

It's okay to have our wish list, as long as we set these things as goals to move toward, rather than requirements we put on life, ourselves or others.  

Step Twelve

Step Twelve in the AA program of recovery is...

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

We worked these steps and the result is a spiritual awakening. If we were painstaking and thorough it also resulted in the desire to drink being removed. That is part of the spiritual awakening.

Now, as a way of life, we try to carry this message (of hope) to other alcoholics and practice these (12 steps) principles in all our affairs.

Step Eleven

Step Eleven of the AA program of recovery is...

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

This step says that we are to seek something. We are to seek to improve on our conscious contact with God, and we do that through prayer and meditation. The big kicker in there is that we are not to pray for selfish things - only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Of course, one cannot improve on something that does not exist. We have to have already established contact with God before we can improve on that relationship. Prayer and meditation - as opposed to the old stinking thinking alcoholics are used to. That is an improvement all by itself.

Step Ten

Step Ten in AA's program of recovery is...

Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

There isn't a lot that needs to be said about this step because it is so simple and self-explanatory. We started our inventory in step four. That was an event. This step is talking about a lifestyle. We practice this principle as a way of life. We constantly pay attention to what we do right and what we do wrong. When we are wrong we admit it and correct what needs correcting. There is nothing complicated about this step, just a simple and decent way to live.

Step Nine

Step Nine in the AA program of recovery is...

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

This is a step where courage must be combined with willingness. This is where we take action - regardless of how uncomfortable it feels. We go to the people we have harmed and we make our amends. Fun? Hell no. Necessary? Absolutely, if we want to be free of the guilt we have been carrying around over the years.

There is an exception. If making an amends will actually do harm to someone then we do not do it. Never are we to do something or tell someone something that will harm them just to ease our conscious. We must not put ourselves first here.

Step Nine is one more step toward freedom from alcohol. After this step in the Big Book are some promises. One of them says that if we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. Wanna be amazed? Make those amends.

Step Eight

Step Eight of the AA program of recovery is...

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Going back to our fourth step inventory we should have listed the names of those we resented, feared and hurt in some way. In the eighth step we look back through this list and pull out these names, adding more if necessary, and we must become willing to make amends to these people. If we are not willing, then we need to pray for the willingness.

It's a very simple step - just making a list, and becoming willing to make amends. Simple, but not necessarily easy. Easy is listening to your disease tell you this is not important. Easy is falling back into the self-destructive way of life that is alcoholism. Easy isn't recovery. The Big Book says we trudge the road to happy destiny. Just in case you don't know, trudge implies work. We walk this path of recovery one step at a time. We trudge, we grow, we live and we learn, and in the meantime, as a byproduct of living right, we stay sober. Amazing how that works!

Step Seven

Step seven in AA's program of recovery is...

Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

We all have shortcomings (or defects of character as they are called in the previoius step), and when we took our inventory in the fourth step we focused on these shortcomings. We talked about them in step five. Hopefully we decided in step six that we are ready to have them removed. This is where we actually ask God to remove them.

The seventh step prayer can be found on page 76 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My Creator,

I am now willing that you should have all of me,

good and bad.

I pray that you now remove from me

every single defect of character which stands in the way

of my usefulness to you and my fellows.

Grant me strength, as I go out from here,

to do your bidding.

Amen

The wording can be personalized as long as the prayer is said sincerely.

Step Six

Step six in the AA program of recovery is...

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Defects of character? It isn't easy facing up to the reality that we have defects in our character but we had to do that in the last two steps. We discovered them in step four and we had to share them with someone else in step five. Now the question is "are we ready to have them removed?" After all, why would we want to keep them? These defects are what has caused us to drink, and caused us so much unhappiness.

In Twelve Steps And Twelve Traditions Bill Wilson said "this is the step that separates the men from the boys." The things he said, in the chapter dealing with step six, indicate that it is not uncommon for people to hesitate on this step. In his own way he basically made the point that we must, at least, be willing to let go of our defects at some point in time.  Apparently he mellowed somewhat on this between the time the Big Book was written and the time he wrote Twelve Steps And Twelve Traditions, but it is clear he was saying the men will be ready to have their defects removed and the boys would want to hold onto some of them for a while.

So what about those defects of character? Do we want to keep them or do we want to let them go and move on with our recovery? If we are willing and ready to let them go then we are ready for the next step.  If we proceed onward while still intentionally holding onto our defects then we must assume we are not building the strong foundation the Big Book is talking about.  We are settling for something less.

  

Step Five

Step Five of the AA program of recovery is...

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

In this step we have to admit some things. We have that inventory we took in step four, the one that we hated doing, the one where we found out things about ourselves that we did not like. Now we must not only admit these things to ourselves but also to God and another human being. Ouch!

It is bad enough to face the fears and resentments in our private meditation and it even feels very uncomfortable admitting it all to God in prayer, but to actually tell another human being the things we wrote down about our innermost thoughts and feelings, as well as some of the horrible things we've done in the past. This is where many people say "hell no, I will never tell these things."

We are afraid we will be misunderstood and judged if we share our secrets. We believe the person will tell us that we are horrible and never want to speak to us again. Yes, we believe these things because that is what our disease tells us, and we are used to listening to our disease. But our disease lies.

Once we finally muster up enough courage and determination to talk to someone and tell them our story we find that a certain amount of peace comes from it. We realize that we really don't have to hide inside ourselves anymore. We can talk about our faults and failures with some other human beings and it will be okay. We actually start to believe that we are okay. What an amazing discovery!

We share the nature of our wrongs with another human being and we begin the process of peeling the layers of fear away and we start on a new journey of sharing our life with others, and in return we find that sometimes they are willing to share their life with us. Then we don't have to feel so alone anymore.

Step Four

Step four of the AA program of recovery is...

Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Much has been written about this step by many authors - and rightfully so. This is where we have to get brutally honest with ourselves. This is the step where we look deep inside and take stock of all that is us - the good, the bad and the ugly. We have to find out where the deep down problem areas are that cause us to drink in order to change the way we feel on the inside. We dig until it hurts, and then we keep digging. We probe, we learn about ourselves, we see the real us and we don't like it, and we cry like a baby sometimes, but we have to do this to cross over the bridge to freedom. There is no shortcut - that is if we want true freedom from alcohol.

Page 64 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is where the details of this step begin. I recommend anyone taking this step read it and take heed to what it says. Those who do not take this humbling step do not gain true freedom from drinking.

We take a look at our fears, our resentments and our bad habits. We write it all down. As the step indicates, we must be fearless. Step four is where we must get truly honest with ourselves. If we are true alcoholics our lives just might depend on it. As it says on page 58 of the Big Book, those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

This is one area where honesty is the only policy that works. Step four is hard work, but it is part of the bridge to freedom. Happy crossing.

Step Three

Step Three in AA's program of recovery is...

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

I'm going to break down this step as it is worked by three different groups of people.

1) People who believe in God and are ready to turn things over to God.

2) People who believe in God and are willing to turn things over to God at a later time.

3) Those who do not believe in God.

If one believes in God and is ready to turn their will and life over to God then that can be done with a simple prayer. The wording is optional as long as it is clear and to the point - the person saying the prayer asks for God to take control of their life and the will is surrendered to God.

Here is the third step prayer from page 63 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

God, I offer myself to Thee-

To build with me

and to do with me as Thou wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self,

that I may better do Thy will.

Take away my difficulties,

that victory over them may bear witness

to those I would help of Thy Power,

Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.

May I do Thy will always!

Again, the wording can be changed around. It is the sincerity that counts.

For those who believe in God but are not quite ready to turn one's life over to Him yet simply need to make a decision to do so, as the step states. The actual turning over happens in step seven. That prayer can be found on page 76 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My Creator,

I am now willing that you should have all of me,

good and bad.

I pray that you now remove from me

every single defect of character which stands in the way

of my usefulness to you and my fellows.

Grant me strength, as I go out from here,

to do your bidding.

Amen

As mentioned earlier, the wording can be personalized as long as one is sincere.

The third group we mentioned - those who do not believe in God. These people are just as likely as anyone else to acheive and maintain sobriety. There always has been, and still are, many atheists and agnostics in AA. The program works just as well - regardless of one's beliefs.

For the above mentioned group the Higher Power can be many things, some may use the AA group as their Higher Power while others may use Love or their Inner Higher Self. As long as it makes sense to the person and they really believe in this Higher Power it can work well.  One's life and will is turned over just the same.  The principle is this; we get out of the driver's seat and allow a greater power to lead us to a better life.   

Step Two

The second step in AA's program of recovery is...

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

In taking this step we first have to understand that when it comes to our drinking we are insane. We keep drinking even though we know it causes huge problems in our life and in fact is putting our life at risk. Each time we tell ourselves that this time it will be different. That is the insanity we are talking about in this step.

Once we are convinced we are insane in this way we then must admit that there is some power in the universe greater than we are, and then we must come to believe that this power could possibly restore us to sanity.

This step is not asking us to believe in God, nor is it telling us we must believe that this power will restore us to sanity - just that some power greater than us has the potential to restore us to sanity.

In other words, this step is where we dare to open up the door of doubt just a little bit and dare to believe that there just might be hope for us.

Step One

The program of AA consists of 12 steps, the first one being...

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

I never had any success staying sober until I was totally able to take this step - without reservation. As long as drinking was an option for me I could only stay sober for a while - sometimes a long while, but still only for a while.

If I told myself that I could stay sober as long as things went my way I eventually ended up drunk, because life never allowed everything to go my way. When I was walking on eggshells wondering if I would end up drunk again I always ended up drunk - because I was expecting it in the back of my mind. It was only when I realized once and for all that I could not drink and live that I was finally able to stay sober for the long haul. In other words, I really and truly took step one. Deep down inside I knew that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable.

I finally realized that it was my choice, (just like my friend Jack B. kept saying over and over) I could drink and die or I could stay sober and live. I wanted to live so I started telling myself every morning "today I will not drink, no matter what happens." In other words, I took that option off the table. I decided to stay sober. Then, and only then, I was ready for step two.  Then, and only then, I was ready to go on with my life.

Loneliness

At last night's meeting we talked about loneliness and how it seems to be one of the common things that haunt alcoholics. I definitely could relate. A couple of us mentioned the experience of feeling all alone in a room full of people. Oh, how I hate that feeling.

I mentioned that it is also connected to that terminal uniqueness that we tend to be plagued with from time to time. That strange voice in our heads that tells us we are different from everyone else. It's one of those AA paradoxes where we want to fit in and be like everyone else but at the same time we want to be different - actually better than them in some way.

Isn't it strange that as we feel inferior to everyone else we also think that we are better than them? Very strange indeed! Yes, loneliness is a real bugger for many of us. I still feel it very strongly sometimes. I suspect it will never go away for good.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are not alone, and that there are people who really do care about us, and even a few (fellow AA members) who actually understand us. We are not alone, even though sometimes we need to walk a solitary path for a while.

Ebby - Sponsor of Bill W.

In talking about the beginnings of AA and its founders we often mention Bill Wilson and Dr. Robert Smith (aka Dr. Bob) but how many people know about the guy who carried the message to Bill, the man Bill always called his sponsor? I'm talking about Edwin (Ebby) Thacher.

Ebby stayed sober long enough to go to his old friend Bill and told him that he had found religion and was not drinking anymore. Bill, who at the time was not able to stay sober, did listen to him only because they were such friends and used to drink together. Now to make a long story short Bill got sober and stayed sober. Unfortunately Ebby had his dry periods and drunk periods for the rest of his life. It was a real roller coaster for him.

Ebby did have a long run at sobriety once out in Texas. He stayed sober for almost seven years, but went back to drinking when his girlfriend Chloe passed away in 1961. Ebby got drunk the next day and apparetly never was the same, he started the roller coaster ride again. Those close to him said that he apparently still believed that his sobriety was conditional on having the right woman.

Ebby moved back to New York and lived at several places for the next two years, one of which was at his brother Ken's home in Delmar. He had emphysema and was in poor health, his weight having dropped down to 122 pounds.

Ebby eventually ended up at the farm of Margaret and Micky McPike just outside Ballston Spa, New York, in May 1964. It was under their loving care that he finished the final two years of his life.

While at McPike's farm, he did not drink and AA visitors were frequent. At 1 am on March 21, 1966 Ebby passed away. The man who really started the AA ball rolling was finally able to get off the roller coaster of alcoholism. It was good that the last 22 months of his life were sober months.

Ebby Thacher was loved by AA members of his time and I think he deserves to be remembered. If you want to know more about Ebby I recommend you read his biography. It is called Ebby: The Man Who Sponsored Bill W. It is written by Mel B.

Sponsorship - Then And Now

What is a sponsor? Is it someone to run your life for you? A spiritual advisor, financial advisor and marriage and relationship counselor all rolled into one? Actually none of the above is what an AA sponsor is supposed to be, even though many people seem to think that is the case.

In the early days of AA a sponsor was someone who helped sick alcoholics get into hospitals. Keep in mind this was long before the days of treatment centers like we have now. Hospitals would take in drunks who were sick and keep them for a while to let them sober up and get their health back, providing them with some good nutrition and medical treatment. In some cases they were a little hesitant to take in certain patients and an AA sponsor was someone in AA who would enter into an informal agreement with the hospital to make sure that the patient would have plenty of AA visitors while they were there to give them a jumpstart on their recovery. The sponsees really got a lot of attention.  The AAs would come in and share their stories with them and the patient would get a good education in how things worked, so when they got out they could meet with the AAs and carry on with their recovery.

Over the years, as treatment centers popped up all over the place, this kind of sponsorship was not needed and sponsorship slowly evolved into something totally different. Slowly but surely a sponsor became the all purpose guru who a newcomer would first meet at a meeting, ask them to be their sponsor and then go to them for any and all kinds of help, and the sponsors with big egos would eat it up. There are still many of these big ego sponsors around today.  Many of them will make all sorts of demands on the newcomer, often talking down to them and making them jump through hoops just to keep them as a sponsor.

The best sponsors, however, are not into playing the bigshot and will not try to run their sponsee's life. Instead they will guide them through the 12 steps and provide them with guidance and friendship, all the while encouraging them to take responsibility for their own life and recovery. In this way they help them to grow confidant while growing along spiritual lines. Yes, sponsorship has changed over the years, but is still a vital part of AA recovery.

Early AA

From time to time I hear people in AA talk about things from AA past. For example, I heard a fellow say recently that Bill Wilson took many years to work the 12 steps. Where he got this crazy idea is beyond me but it gave him something to talk about.

In the early days of AA before the 12 steps were formalized they went through what we could call a quick but thorough housecleaning, a personal inventory after they admitted that they were licked and needed God's help to stay sober.  Then they made a list of those they had harmed and started making amends. Then they tried to live lives of service to others and helping other alcoholics.

Nowadays most sponsors will tell their sponsees to take their time on the steps. "There is no hurry" they say " take time to let your head clear." Since when does it take months or years for someone's head to clear from drinking? This whole delay process is very dangerous. I do not recommend it.

In the early AA days they had a 75% success rate; today we are lucky if 8% stay sober, and most of those stay scared to death of drinking again. They do not recover, they just hang on by a thread and hope for the best. If we want to get back to the success rate of the old days then we need to do what they did, they took the steps and then lived by the principles in the steps. AA is supposed to be a way of life - not a meeting to go to. I wish more people could get that.

AA - A Selfish Program

I have heard many times over the years that AA is a selfish program. Of course what that means is that we need to make the AA program the most important thing in our life and focus on our recovery if we want to obtain and maintain our sobriety.

Some people have a hard time understanding this and waste far too much time on trying to be a totally unselfish person, thinking they are living by AA principles. While we are supposed to learn to think of others (in fact our lives depend on it) our sobriety must come first - and that is why it is called a selfish program.

I'm glad I learned that lesson early on. I don't think I would be here today had I not learned that my sobriety must come first. Yes, AA is a selfish program, but while we are selfishly holding onto our sobriety we must unselfishly do what we can to be of help to others. Just another AA paradox.

Drinking Is Not An Issue

I am grateful for what I learned in my early days of recovery and the wonderful gift of sobriety that I was given.  Thanks to being introduced to the 12 steps in the way that I was I was able to put the drinking behind me and move on with my life.  Drinking is actually a non-issue now.

That is the way it is supposed to be.  That is the way it is presented in the Big Book.  That is the way it happened in early AA, and still happens today to many of us.  The strange thing is that many people in AA just don't get it - they never get to the point where drinking is not the issue.  They just go through life hoping and praying that they can stay sober, but they dare not have any confidence in that possibility, as if that would somehow jinx it and they would end up drunk.

Don't get me wrong; I am not criticizing them or judging them.  It is actually not their fault. It is the way they learned it from their sponsors and listening to others in meetings. People sometimes present our program as if there is only a small chance of success and you just sort of show up and hope for the best.  That is so wrong.  The 12 step program works.  It is a proven program.  The cover page of the Big Book says "the story of how many thousands of men and women have recoverd from alcoholism."

In the chapter called How It Works it says "those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program."  So we know from reading that why some don't recover.  It also says it is usually those who are not able to be honest with themselves, and for those it is not their fault - they seem to have been born that way.  So unless you are not capable of being honest with yourself you can recover through the 12 steps.  It works. It really does.

In my area there aren't many of us who have confidence in our sobriety, and that really saddens me.  We have some people who have been sober for many years and they have absolutely no message of hope to carry.  I feel sorry for them.  They are so scared that they will accidently wind up drunk.  I wish I could pound it into their thick skulls that we have a choice.  Each day we get to choose.  We can drink or we can stay sober.  As for me I made a decision long ago that drinking is not an option.  Those who seem to worry about drinking apparently have not totally taken that option off the table.  That indicates to me they possibly have not actually taken the first step.  I know from the great storehouse of evidence from my past that I cannot drink and live.  I totally convinced myself and admitted that I was powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable, then I moved on to step two.  It is not something I have to think about or consider at this point in my life.  I don't drink because I made a decision to live over 25 years ago.  I am a non-drinker, so what is there to worry about?  I will always have a choice about whether or not I take that first drink, therefore it is a non-issue.  Now I just have to struggle with life - just like everyone else in the world.  Drinking is not the issue - the issue is living life on life's terms, and that is a real challenge.  I may never master that one.

   

Some People Just Can't Shut Up

I've been in AA for over a quarter of a century and I have seen all types. I've seen big ones and little ones, short ones and tall ones, old ones and young ones, and quiet ones and big mouth ones. Trust me, the last ones I mentioned are the most irritating. Some people just don't know when to shut up.

In my humble opinion if a person speaks more than five minutes at a meeting that person is not only selfish for taking so much time, but they apparently love to hear themselves talk. They need to just shut up.

I realize sometimes people have things to get off their chest. I totally get that - been there, done that. I also know that is what a sponsor or friend is for. Yes, we all have a right to share at meetings, and it is good for us and everyone else when we do, unless we take up so much time that some who want to share don't get to. That is when it crosses the line.

I guess the real reason it bothers me so much is that every meeting seems to have at least one jerk who thinks he/she is an expert on recovery and shoots off their mouth for a good ten minutes at each and every meeting they attend and the newcomers think they are the "voice of AA."

Usually it is the assholes who won't shut up who really need to be listening. I guess that is why they never really learned about humility - because they were so busy talking that they missed that part.

Okay I got that off my chest. Too bad those loud mouth jerks don't know about blogging. It would be much easier on the rest of us.

A Great Saturday Meeting

Saturday morning I attended the best meeting I've been to in a long time. It was the Morning Meditations meeting. There was only about eight of us there and we had a really good discussion.

One thing that came up is how alcoholics have such a hard time forming a true partership with another person. I definitely could relate to that. Looking back on my previous relationships I can see that I never really formed a true bond. I thought I had when I was in the relatinships but looking back I was never able to truly commit to them emotionally and never really trusted them enough to share my innermost thoughts and feelings like I should have.

I wish I could say that I know it will be better next time I get into a relationship, but I can't honestly say that. Sometimes it seems like that will never happen anyway. I really miss loving someone and having her love me. Sure, I've had women interested in me but not ones I'm really interested in. I look forward to the day that I will find that special someone. Hopefully when that happens I will be able to make that connection on a level that will allow us to bond and stay together.

Email Me

If you want to contact me for any reason you can email me at freethinker992002@yahoo.com .