Don't Drink - No Matter What

It looks like it has been a year since I blogged here.  I can't believe it has actually been that long.  A lot has happened in my life in the past year - some of it was good, and some of it has really sucked.  But one thing is certain; life always gives us plenty of opportunities to grow.  I believe I am growing because I am far out of my comfort zone.

I don't have a lot to say today, but I will close with my best advice to you. Don't drink, no matter what. 

Faith or Leg Work

Sometimes it is hard to know the difference between exercising faith and being lazy.  To put it another way, it is difficult sometimes to know when to act or wait.  For example, if I turn something over to God does that mean I don't give it anymore thought or does it mean I keep putting my best effort into it and let God take care of the results? Not so easy to decide sometimes.

The way that I've resolved this, at least to my temporary satisfaction, is to keep doing what I can to make things happen that I think should happen, (like finding a job) but not to worry about the outcome.  God has me in his loving hands, but I need to do what I can to help things along.  Yes, it is a fine line sometimes, but I am pretty sure God is not going to let me sit back on my butt while he sends lots of money my way.  Most of us have to work for it if we are given that opportunity.  If not, then I need to have faith that God has something better waiting for me.   

God grant me the serenity...

The Learning Never Stops

Recently I had an epithany concerning a resentment I have had for a while.  I realized that the person I resented would not have done the things they did if I had not started the ball rolling with what I did.  I was in the wrong.  I stepped over a boundry that I should not have crossed. The result was two of us got hurt. 

The good news is I learned some things from the experience.  I learned a lot about me, and that is what recovery is all about.  The learning never stops as long as we keep doing what step 10 tells us to do - we continue to take inventory and when we are wrong we promptly admit it.  Thank God that the learning never stops.

Stubborn & Rebellious

Alcoholics are stubborn and rebellious - no big news there, right? I think we all pretty much get that. It's also in our nature to resist following instructions. It says on page 58 of the Big Book that "some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely." I know that to be true. I tried to hold onto some of my old ideas when I first came to the fellowship, but eventually I realized that my ideas got me into trouble. I finally decided to take advise, and became willing to do as the old-timers in the fellowship instructed. In other words, I finally let go absolutely.

On page 59 of the Book it says that "half measures availed us nothing." And before that (on page 58) it says "if you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps." So why is it that people who hear those words read at the beginning of each AA meeting still try to hold onto their old ideas and use half measures? It obviously is because of that stubborness and rebelliousness I mentioned earlier.

I get so frustrated sometimes with newcomers who don't seem to take the program seriously. They come in and tell their sad stories and talk about how they must quit drinking, but then they will not follow the instructions given to them. And of course, if you don't follow instructions then you don't get well. No matter what they have been through and what they learn from us about the disease of alcoholism they still want to try a mixture of their old ideas and some new AA ideas. The results are nil, as the Big Book says. It just doesn't work.

Unfortunately, there is no way we can change this. I have no magic cure that will make alcoholics listen and learn quickly. We usually have to learn the hard way. But, we must keep carrying the message of hope, and a few of them along the way will grab hold of what they learn and run with it, and stay sober for the long haul. For those few we must keep reaching out and lending a hand - just like those folks did for us when we were new. Thank God the hand of AA is far-reaching, and patient.

Venting Buddies

Friends are a good thing, and really good friends are a God thing. We all need friends who will stick with us through the hard times, as well as the good. In AA we especially need friends in the fellowship who will allow us to vent about what is bothering us in a non-judgmental way. These friends, being in AA, know our issues and they realize how important it is for us to get things off our chest.

I like to call these friends 'venting buddies.' I am grateful to have venting buddies I can dump my crap on, and I'm glad to allow them the same courtesy. We need each other, and we use each other to unload. After the venting is done we can encourage and make suggestions, but the venting must be allowed to happen. As alcoholics we have a tendency to keep things inside, and that is not good. Thank God for venting buddies.

Change Of Character?

Due to a meeting discussion at a local AA group, and an online discussion forum I participate in, I was made very aware of the differences of opinion regarding whether or not the 12 steps are simply behavior modification or a process that brings about a change of character. Personally, I agree with those who said it is behavior modification that can possibly lead to a change of character - if that is what is desired.

For me, the character change came more over time. I am more honest than I used to be, and I have more integrity. I also have more faith and hope, and I try to be a decent, human being.

In my opinion, which comes from much observation over a long period of time, I believe the people whose character improves have a much easier time staying sober. It appears to me that those who just change their behavior are treading water and have no confidence in their ability to stay sober for the long haul. (This is not a judgment, just an observation). Those with a character change tend to focus on living life and being of service to others, knowing that a life well lived will be alcohol-free. After all, the desire to drink was miraculously removed as I worked my way through the steps. By choosing to earnestly work through the process I changed into a non-drinking person, therefore alcohol is a non-issue.

Let me make it perfectly clear that I'm not judging those who only changed their behavior. I'm just saying that there is a lot more than sobriety that can be gained from the 12 steps. We can choose to become better people, and we have the spiritual tools to help us, and the support of those who have preceded us in this.

Blah, blah, blah and more blah

The biggest problem I have with sponsees is that they don't want to listen. They just want to talk endlessly about anything and everything. Blah, blah, blah and more blah. They come to AA for help supposedly, and they ask me to be their sponsor, and then they proceed to tell me how it all works.

Some want to talk about Jesus, some want to talk about how they are too busy to come to meetings. Some go on and on about the great support they get from their pastor or family and how they are doing so well. For once I would like to hear a sponsee come to me and say "teach me how to live sober and be happy." Oh well, I guess I'm dreaming again. Someone pinch me and wake me up.