God Yes - Religion No

At a local meeting that I attend we sometimes talk about our past religious experiences and beliefs. There seems to be no shortage of people recovering from their Southern Baptist upbringing. I remember the crazy teachings that I was bombarded with growing up in that enviromment. God first, others next, and self last, is one of them. If that doesn't teach one to be co-dependent nothing will.

That kind of thinking taught me to feel guilty anytime I did something, or even wanted something, just for me. It led to a life of deep shame and inadequacy because I cared about me and wanted things for myself. I felt like I was a bad person for having human wants and needs.

In AA we talk about a different understanding of God. Even though some still cling to religious teachings and practices most people simply come to believe in a concept of a loving God who has no need or desire to condemn or judge us. This concept is more healthy and more practical. Let's keep it simple and not mess it up with theology and superstition. God cares for us and loves us. That's as complicated as it needs to be.

Talking To Members Of The Opposite Sex

I've been reading a discussion on an online AA forum about whether or not women and men should talk to one another before and after meetings. The man who started the discussion only has a few days sobriety so he's entitled to be confused about AA protocol - and pretty much anything else actually. It's the chastising he received from another man in his local AA group that has me puzzled. This newcomer likes to talk with people after meetings (and we do encourage the newcomers to do that, by the way) and some of the people he talks to just happen to be women. After one meeting he was approached by one of the men in attendance and told not to talk to the women. How very, very strange!

I do agree that we need to watch our motives when we deal with the opposite sex - especially in AA where people are trying to get their lives in order. However, I don't think totally staying away from them is the answer. I recall my early days in recovery. I felt really comfortable talking with a particular lady and she was totally comfortable talking to me. I knew she had a boyfriend and I never once moved on her; I just needed to talk with someone and she was available. I really needed that. Thank God for people like her who didn't care what the AA judges thought about it - she just wanted to help.

When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there and for that I am Responsible.

Relapse

Some people in our fellowship get really upset and disturbed when a friend goes back out to drink some more. I totally understand this. I've had friends go back out and I've always hated to see it. Some come back and some do not. When they come back we just welcome them back and tell them we missed them. Hopefully they will stick around long enough to learn that they have a choice, and hopefully they will choose sobriety, but we each must decide for ourselves to stay sober - no matter what someone else says or does. Recovery is a choice.