Loneliness

At last night's meeting we talked about loneliness and how it seems to be one of the common things that haunt alcoholics. I definitely could relate. A couple of us mentioned the experience of feeling all alone in a room full of people. Oh, how I hate that feeling.

I mentioned that it is also connected to that terminal uniqueness that we tend to be plagued with from time to time. That strange voice in our heads that tells us we are different from everyone else. It's one of those AA paradoxes where we want to fit in and be like everyone else but at the same time we want to be different - actually better than them in some way.

Isn't it strange that as we feel inferior to everyone else we also think that we are better than them? Very strange indeed! Yes, loneliness is a real bugger for many of us. I still feel it very strongly sometimes. I suspect it will never go away for good.

Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we are not alone, and that there are people who really do care about us, and even a few (fellow AA members) who actually understand us. We are not alone, even though sometimes we need to walk a solitary path for a while.

Some People Just Can't Shut Up

I've been in AA for over a quarter of a century and I have seen all types. I've seen big ones and little ones, short ones and tall ones, old ones and young ones, and quiet ones and big mouth ones. Trust me, the last ones I mentioned are the most irritating. Some people just don't know when to shut up.

In my humble opinion if a person speaks more than five minutes at a meeting that person is not only selfish for taking so much time, but they apparently love to hear themselves talk. They need to just shut up.

I realize sometimes people have things to get off their chest. I totally get that - been there, done that. I also know that is what a sponsor or friend is for. Yes, we all have a right to share at meetings, and it is good for us and everyone else when we do, unless we take up so much time that some who want to share don't get to. That is when it crosses the line.

I guess the real reason it bothers me so much is that every meeting seems to have at least one jerk who thinks he/she is an expert on recovery and shoots off their mouth for a good ten minutes at each and every meeting they attend and the newcomers think they are the "voice of AA."

Usually it is the assholes who won't shut up who really need to be listening. I guess that is why they never really learned about humility - because they were so busy talking that they missed that part.

Okay I got that off my chest. Too bad those loud mouth jerks don't know about blogging. It would be much easier on the rest of us.