Blah, blah, blah and more blah

The biggest problem I have with sponsees is that they don't want to listen. They just want to talk endlessly about anything and everything. Blah, blah, blah and more blah. They come to AA for help supposedly, and they ask me to be their sponsor, and then they proceed to tell me how it all works.

Some want to talk about Jesus, some want to talk about how they are too busy to come to meetings. Some go on and on about the great support they get from their pastor or family and how they are doing so well. For once I would like to hear a sponsee come to me and say "teach me how to live sober and be happy." Oh well, I guess I'm dreaming again. Someone pinch me and wake me up.

Service Work

People in AA love to talk about service work. More importantly, people in AA (at least the smart ones) love to do service work. We serve on committees, we make coffee, we sweep and mop floors in the meeting room. We help newcomers, we give people rides to and from meetings. We do whatever needs to be done. Why? Well, it certainly isn't the paycheck we get for it, because there isn't one.

We do service work because we care about the still suffering alcoholic. We also do it because we care about ourselves. Dr. Bob (one of our co-founders) used to say that the AA way of life could be summarized in two words, love & service. He certainly knew what he was talking about.

Another way we do service work is by sponsoring the new folks. We befriend them and guide them through the 12 steps. At least the good sponsors do that. We teach them how to get through the days and nights without booze, and we teach them how to pass it along to others.

Yeah, we love our service work. That's just the way we roll.

One Big Happy Family?

AA is a remarkable fellowship. It survives the years, the decades and the resentments. It continues to work - regardless of the character defects of its many members. We are not a perfect group of drunks. In fact, I'm sure there is no such thing as a perfect group of drunks; nor is there a perfect group of anything else, for that matter.

We lie, we cheat, we argue and we get huge resentments - at each other and, of course, at those outside our circles. Why? We do it simply because we are human. Those are the kinds of things humans do.

But we also love and serve. We reach out to those who still suffer, and we do what we can to give them hope and a lifeline. We do it because we care and also because it helps our recovery.

Tonight at our meeting a young man picked up a 30 day chip. There is nothing unusual about that, and that is what impressed me. In spite of all our faults and differences of opinion our fellowship is still intact and our 12 step program still works wonders. Yes, actually we are one big happy family. Not perfect, not always serene, we don't always get along with one another, but still one family - united in love and service.

Anonymity

Tradition Eleven — Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio and films.

In the book Dr. Bob And The Good Oldtimers (page 264) he (Dr. Bob) said "Since our tradition on anonymity designates the exact level where the line should be held, it must be obvious to everyone who can read and understand the English language that to maintain anonymity at any other level is definitely a violation of this tradition."

Isn't that interesting? We should be anonymous only at the level of press, radio and films. It doesn't say anything at all about hiding your indentity from other AA members. So why do so many people in AA think they commit the unpardonable sin if they give their last name? Perhaps it is simply fear. They are afraid you might actually call them and ask for help. I don't use my last name when I share during a meeting, because it isn't necessary, but I don't hesitate to give my last name to those I give my phone number to.

If we want the hand of AA to always be there for the suffering alcoholic we must be willing to let others know who we are.  Let's not violate this tradition in either direction.  Let's not tell the world we are in AA, but let's not keep it a secret either. 

Surrender To Love

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Life is full of decisions. Sometimes it isn't easy to decide what the best course of action is. Sometimes it's all we can do to face up to the fact that we need to make a decision. If it happens to be a very important decision where the outcome could change our life or dramatically affect the life of another it can be much more frightening. What do we do in times like these?  If only there was a simple guideline we could go by to help us to make the right decision.  Oh wait; there actually is one.

As an alcoholic, who also happens to come from a dysfunctional family, I know what it is like to live in fear and to make decisions based on that fear. Even though fear is a great motivator it does not guarantee a right decision. In fact it can lead us to make a wrong decision. Love, on the other hand, will always lead us in the right direction. If we respond out of love to ourselves and others we can rest assured that the outcome will be rewarding.

I choose to surrender to the love in me - not to the fear.

Pass It On

Looking back over a quarter of a century ago at a time when my old friend, Jack B., was helping me through some of the rough spots on the road to recovery I remember his words to me after I expressed my gratitude. He said three simple words. "Pass it on."

Jack taught me that I never have to drink again unless I want to. He taught me that people really can, and do, recover from alcoholism. He also taught me some things about me. Even though he and I had a falling out a few years down the road (and we never really dealt with that) I like to honor his memory now by doing what he suggested. I like to pass it on.

I recently learned that a friend, who also happens to be my sponsee, is now a sponsor for the first time. My only hope and wish is for him to do the same. Pass it on, brother, just pass it on.

Anger vs. Peace Of Mind

Ralph Waldo Emerson said "For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind." Something worth thinking about, isn't it?